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Grieving

I had to put my cat down two weeks ago. I still feel conflicted even though she was in pain and suffering. She was 15 years old and I had her her entire life. She came into my life when I was 16 years old. A year after I adopted her was when my health started to really decline. Many of you know how lonely and isolating chronic illness can be when you have a diagnosis, but that period of time when you have no idea what is going on with you is absolutely devastating. Mimi was with me through all of that. She was the sweetest, sassiest, cat ever. I loved her so much and it's been very hard adjusting to life without her.




Animals are such great companions in general but when you are sick they really can make all the difference. She would greet me at the door when I arrived home. She would lay beside me when I wasn't feeling well or was depressed. It was like she just knew when I needed her. We were in sync. I feel like she held on until I was somewhat stable, to go. I know I freed her from her pain and suffering but it hurts so bad.


Losing her has had me really thinking of what I've been through with my health. I don't know if I would even still be here if it wasn't for her. I had so many days where I would come home with no will to live anymore. She would look at me as if saying, "girl, you know I depend on you and nobody else will spoil me the way you do." It's had me thinking, "wow, I can't believe I've been through all this and mostly by myself." I always knew I was sick but didn't know what it was. I always knew. So when people tell me I'll go back to normal soon they don't realize this is my normal. This is me. And it's okay. What's wasn't okay was doctors dismissing my pain and not believing me when I told them I was in pain and was suffering as well. I saw her in pain and with no other options for her at her age I did what I thought was right. She supported me through all my pain and I wasn't going to let her live that way after exhausting all of her options.